The Autism Society Event and Education Recordings Archive

This presentation will outline how parents can foster friendships in their child. The audience will learn there is a lot that parents can do to get their child ready for play dates before his friend knocks on the front door. The first step is to identify a child’s current friendship skills. Then, through conversation and play, first with an adult, and then with another child, parents can help their child have success socially by taking the perspective of another person. Some people seem to know what to do and say in every situation. They can always strike up a conversation and keep it going. These “sociable” people are easy to talk to and fun to be around. People seek them out because they are empathetic and good listeners. They have an innate ability to understand what’s on the minds of others. Many sociable adults were sociable as children too.

But, even for the most capable and verbal adults on the autism spectrum, social situations are challenging. They want friends but run into trouble because of the difficulties they have tuning in to the thoughts and feelings of others. These challenges are evident in the preschool years, during which children who insist on playing games only one way or talking only about their own interests find themselves left out.

Promising new research into theory-of-mind development provides a framework for the kind of early intervention that can foster social thinking and help children on the autism spectrum make friends.  The Hanen Centre in Toronto, a not-for-profit charitable agency that trains parents to help their own children, has taken this research to develop a training program, called TalkAbility, for parents of verbal children approximately 3 years to 7 years of age, who have high-functioning autism or Asperger syndrome.

This seminar will present ideas from the TalkAbility program, which teaches parents how and what to talk about with their young children with autism spectrum disorder so that they can effectively support their child’s early friendship skills. Like all Hanen programs, TalkAbility is based on principles that are consistent with best practice recommendations: involving parents as early as possible in their child’s intervention program and facilitating communication in naturalistic contexts.

The first part of this presentation will describe what parents can do even before their child encounters another child at preschool—how parents can create and take advantage of everyday opportunities to promote their child’s mental language development so that he or she will develop a better sense of perspective taking and empathy. When a child can tune in to the thoughts of others his chances at friendships will be better.

Parents can contribute a lot to helping their child become a team player who is able to incorporate the ideas of another child into his play. The audience will hear about the power of pretend play, its role in the preschool classroom and how they can facilitate their child’s imagination and flexibility at home.

The second part of this presentation will examine the role parents can take when their child is having a play date. Just inviting another child over for a play date won’t be enough. Parents must take an active role in guiding their child’s play with other children and be the child’s play coach.

There are three parts to being a child’s play coach: Set up the play; Step out and stand by (while the children play together); and step in when the children need help).

Set up involves considering who might make a good friend for the child. Would an older child make a better first friend? Does it matter if a playmate is a girl or a boy? What activities will ensure a better outcome for both children? And, what about playing with siblings? Another consideration is what kinds of activities will make the play date more successful. Parents must have an understanding of their child’s social play skills—what his strengths and challenges are—to plan for their child’s play dates.  For example, a child who is just beginning to tolerate being in the same room as other children will do best with physical games or activities done in unison, like singing songs or moving to music.

So long as the children play together, there will be no need to step in. The adult should leave them alone but stay nearby, ready to step in if necessary. If the children’s play breaks down in some way, it’s time to step in. Stepping in means helping the children get back on track by coaching them from the sidelines with some cues that entail giving first the least amount of help, like a visual cue such as pointing to the person that a child should be talking or playing with and then, if that doesn’t work, giving a more direct cue, such as a direct suggestion about what the child should do. Sometimes, coaching from the side in not enough. For example, when children are stuck doing the same thing over and over, the adult might need to step in and show them a new or different way to play. And, since so many children on the spectrum are strong visual learners, the audience will hear how the can use visuals, like picture, stories and video to teach friendship skills.

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