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Frequent communication diffuses tension between staff and parents. The following are a few examples of the communication strategies we will be explaining.

Picture schedules: We are well aware that students with ASD benefit from picture schedules at school. If each class period has a space for notes, it can also be used as a communication tool. The parent can, at a glance, get a clear indication of how their child's day went. It can also be used as a tracking tool. If, for example, we may not notice that Johnny's meltdowns frequently occur at the same time every day, but when we line up the schedules over a period of a week or two a pattern may emerge. We see, “Ah ha! Johnnny's meltdowns are always an hour before lunch.” We use this information to further investigate the causes. Perhaps Johnny is hungry and this precipitates the meltdown, so all that is needed is to provide a mid-morning snack. Or perhaps Johnny is anticipating going to music, which hurts his ears and he doesn't want to go. If we use all known strategies and changes in the schedule occur, but the meltdowns STILL occur, this may be an indication that it is time to look at the biological or medical issue. Is Johnny's medication wearing off too early? Is it time for a medication change? Is there an underlying medical condition we are not yet aware of that merits further testing? Using the visual schedule as a tracking tool can help us narrow down the field of underlying causes of behavior.

Communication notebook: The simplicity of the notebook seems makes it a tool that is easily implement. A single notebook is sent back and forth between home and school. Because communication is all in one location and there is a place for teacher or parent to ask questions or reply, it eases communication

The “quickie” phone call: “Hello, Mrs. Schelvan? Sarah got on the bus in a very irritable mood.” “Thanks for letting me know, Mrs. Sakai, I'll have her educational assistant meet her at the bus and start her day in the resource room until she settles in.” This kind of quick communication, simply giving a “heads up” can sometimes head off problems at school before they start. Teachers appreciate this kind of honest warning, and parents appreciate it too. “Hell, Mrs. Sakai? Tom had a really good day, but then just before the bus came he was crying because he broke the pumpkin he made in ceramics class. He was very upset, but we thought he was probably calm enough to get on the bus.” “I appreciate the call, Mrs. Schelvan, I'll give him some time to calm before we go out shopping this afternoon. If he's not up for it, I'll give him the option of staying home with his dad.” Imagine how helpful it was to Mrs. Sakai to know that her son had a good day overall (which gives her something to praise her son for), but that he had a rough go of it and might still be very upset. Instead of rushing out the door with him (which is something he might ordinarily enjoy, but not when he is upset), Tom's mom knows that he probably needs some quiet time so she makes the adjustment.

The “meeting before the meeting”: Take every opportunity to communicate. Swinging by the school to pick up your child? Gab with the assistant, chat with the SPED teacher. Run into the mom at the store? Take a moment to say hello. Praise, smile, laugh, share an anecdote. Those stolen moments build relationships. And in between these cheerful warm exchanges, you will learn valuable information about your child, ideas will be sparked and perhaps new plans to make his program better will be hatched with ease. These can also be planned little meetings including a little off campus coffee. Always, but always remember, however, that any information you receive from a staff member that is “off the record” needs to stay “off the record.” Never reveal your sources!

More relationship building strategies

Chocolate, the cement that truly bonds! It's difficult to feel cold-hearted and suspicious of anyone who wisely brings chocolate chip cookies to an IEP meeting. Parent sees the teacher is having a bad day? How about swinging by with a latte or a truffle just to brighten her day?

The secretary: she who secretly wields the power. Don't ever be rude to the school secretary. First of all, she has probably been there longer than any other staff member, and will be there long after those present are gone. And who do you think REALLY knows what's going on in the school? Who knows where any staff member is at any given moment of the day? Who can either slip a note to a principal during a meeting, or conversely let it gather dust on his desk along with 100 others? Remember to treat these individuals well. Bring them a vase of cut flowers from your yard, remember them at holiday time and compliment them on how lovely they look. They'll remember your name.

For teachers:

Remember to have compassion for parents. It's hard not to judge when we see a child arrive at school unkempt and screaming, and what about that Mom herself? What is her problem anyway? She's always irritable, and looking pretty unkempt herself. Well, perhaps both the mom and child look unkempt because getting him ready in the morning is such a struggle. The mom might be lucky to have even gotten him dressed at all because he isn't fond of wearing clothes! Parenting a child with autism is stressful and sometimes overwhelming. If you a compassionate attitude toward not only the child, but the parent as well, if you listen with empathy and simply accept they are doing the best they can—you can over time exert much more influence and provide more help than you otherwise could. A parent is much more likely to listen to you and consider your valuable input if they feel heard first.

Although ideally, every family is surrounded by a loving community made up of family, friends, medical providers, caring neighbors, supportive co-workers and so forth, the reality is that most families are quite isolated. The school may be the sole source of support for not only the child, but the entire family. Making them feel welcome can give them the courage and strength to parent their very challenging child.

A strong emphasis of this presentation is the importance of building community between schools and families. Imbued in our presentation is philosophy of understanding how our children perceive the world, having compassion for them, and a healthy appreciation for the uniqueness of all individuals. All with a dash of humor!