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5163 Relationships on the Spectrum: Bridging Differences, Sharing Strengths

Friday, July 9, 2010: 4:15 PM-5:30 PM

Landmark B (Hyatt Regency Dallas)

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This workshop will help autistic adults, parents, relatives and practitioners understand the unique challenges autistic adults face when it comes to relationships. How can people bridge the communication, social and sensory gaps that often make relationships challenging? Concrete strategies and practical methods for enhancing communication and building on strengths will be described. Participants will come away with new ideas for sharing, communicating, helping and caring that invigorate a sense of cooperation and mutual collaboration. Making wise social decisions, protecting oneself from abuse and shifting the culture toward acceptance of neurodiversity and away from blame will also be discussed.

This workshop covers issues typically encountered by adults on the spectrum either currently in or interested in longer term relationships. What is involved in a serious relationship, living together, getting married, having a family or breaking up? Topics that are often overlooked or too advanced for basic discussions on sexuality and autism will be explored candidly so that adults on the spectrum, those who live with and love them, and practitioners who work with autistic individuals and families can be best prepared to make healthy choices and reach social goals.

In the first part of the workshop, relationships themselves are discussed. What is a relationship, and why do people have them? How can autistic adults go about fostering the relationships they want while simultaneously coping with challenges related to autism, such as self-disclosure, sensory problems or communication diversities? What can human beings realistically expect from relationships, friendships, community connections and family life? What alternative options are available if someone is lonely but not interested in or ready for an intimate partnership?

The second part of the workshop covers “adult” relationship topics that need to be discussed openly so that autistic adults, their family members and practitioners have all the information necessary to make optimal choices. Certain “hidden issues” that are prevalent in the autism community are discussed with this goal in mind, including but not limited to Internet socializing, sexual identity issues, the higher rates of gender dysphoria in the autism community, and the unfortunate but common physical and verbal abuse autistics often experience at the hands of partners who precisely prey on autistic vulnerabilities. Social Stories will be used in this section, since visual information has been shown to enhance social comprehension.

In the third part of the workshop, participants learn concrete and effective strategies for bridging social, sensory and communication gaps. The operating assumption is that both partners are responsible for validating each others' unique set of needs and circumstances, and that both partners must adapt to each other. It is also assumed that the damaging and false stereotype that autistic people lack compassion and empathy probably stems from non-verbal language deficits. Visual aids, charts, the Direct Statements method, Social Stories™, emotion cards and scales, Interaction Schedules, and other tools that both partners can make and use easily to enhance communication, respect each others' diversities and promote cooperation will be demonstrated in action. The techniques described work just as well for relationships with parents, siblings, friends, caregivers, teachers and co-workers.

In the concluding section of this workshop, a new paradigm for viewing and understanding autism in relationships and family systems is presented. What strengths do autistic partners bring to relationships with both neurotypical and non-neurotypical spouses and children? What support resources and strategies optimize relationship and family success? As a community, how do we shift the dialogue away from blame and toward acceptance of diversity? What tools, strategies and concepts can help autistic family members emphasize their strengths and contributions, minimize discrimination and foster mutual cooperation?

OUTLINE:

I. Defining and Exploring Relationships

A. Different Kinds of Relationships

B. Relationship Expectations

C. Coping with Autism-Related Challenges

D. Relationship Alternatives

II. Adult Relationship Topics

A. Internet Socializing

B. Sexuality and Gender Issues

C. What Abuse Looks LIke

D. Self-Protection and Self-Advocacy

III. Strategies for Bridging Gaps and Enhancing Partnerships

A. Mutual Cooperation as the Operating Assumption

B. Techniques, Tools and Strategies Explained

IV. Conclusion: A New Paradigm

A. Autistic Strengths in Relationships and Family Systems

B. Fostering Mutual Understanding

C. Ending Discrimination

Learning Objectives:

Participants will be able to describe the major challenges adults on the spectrum face when it comes to socializing and communicating and how these challenges impact decision-making, communication, and engagement in relationships.
Participants will know how to use a variety of strategies and methods to deal with common relationship issues, in couples relationships and in other dynamic relationships such as relationships with siblings, parents, roommates, friends, etc.
Participants will have fresh ideas for empowering individuals to cooperatively solve challenges, make accommodations, and enhance closeness.
Participants will be able to describe the strengths autistic people bring to relationships and family systems and how these strengths can enhance connection
Individuals on the spectrum will have new strategies for protecting themselves, compensating for vulnerabilities, and for promoting their unique strengths and gifts in relationships, friendships, and friendships.

Content Area: Life with Autism

Presenters:

Zosia Zaks, M.Ed., C.R.C.
Manager of Programs and Education, Hussman Center for Adults with Autism
Hussman Center for Adults with Autism at Towson University
Zosia Zaks, M.Ed., C.R.C., has worked with adults and teens on the autism spectrum for 14 years. Currently he develops and manages programs at Towson University's Hussman Center for Adults with Autism, where he also teaches courses on autism and disability issues. In addition to his work at Towson University, Zaks speaks and writes on disability issues; trains professionals; and serves on the boards of several local and national autism organizations. Zaks has specific expertise in understanding and navigating the adult disability system. He councils families on the important changes that take place, both within the family and in the world, during this unique time of life when children grow up.

Kristi Sakai
PC
Kristi Sakai, PC, is the parent of three children with ASD, counselor, national presenter and author of Finding Our Way. Her new Asperger parenting book on sexuality, co-authored with Joe Steiner, will be released in November 2010. She is a counseling intern at the Center for Family Development in Eugene, Oregon.

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