The Autism Society Event and Education Recordings Archive

Belonging is an important social need on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. This session highlights how to help individuals with autism become involved in social activities to build relationships and social lives. This presentation includes utilizing the McGill Action Planning (MAPs) system to create a circle of friends and programs for individuals with developmental disabilities like Best Buddies, Special Olympics, etc... Letters from the peers highlighting the importance of what it means to have a friend with autism are shared. Letter written by peer - "It makes me sad when my friends with autism are standing alone. I bet they feel invisible, angry, sad, or lonely. I know I would feel the same if I were alone at lunch, recess, gym, and science."

This session highlights how to help individuals with ASD become involved in social activities in their school and communities to help build their social lives and social skills to improve the quality of their lives through the relationships they develop. Socialize in this presentation will mean “to take part in social activities.”

In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the need for social belonging comes right after the need for physical safety and survival. One of the first things, as parents and professionals, is to let go of our personal norms or what we believe is important and concentrate on what individuals with ASD want and need in the area of socialization. Not all individuals with ASD will be interested in activities like dating and some of the other traditional social norms. Social skills, however, are important and we should work to ensure that individuals with autism have opportunities to develop these skills. Relationships help us understand others and social skills are important because they are….
- Predictive of job success in adulthood
- Associated with better mental health
- Associated with a decrease in problematic behavior
Many individuals, due to the very nature of the challenges associated with autism in the areas of communication, socialization, and restricted range of interests struggle in the area of relationship building and social skills.  It is important to understand that the social challenges individuals with autism experience may…
- Vary in expression
- Become more pronounced as individual ages
- Change over time
Some common social challenges include…
- Understanding emotions of self and/or others
- Communication difficulties verbal and/or nonverbal
- Understanding perspectives
- Initiating and/or maintaining interactions
- Responding to social interactions    

Remember to be person-centered and look for individual strengths and build social relationships around them. Look for peers who share interests.
Letter written by peer- "Remember, the most important thing is that everybody's good at something. My friends with autism can be good at something too. My teacher said, “Don't judge a book by it's cover.” That means everybody has hidden beauty. My friends with autism have hidden beauty!"
Letter written by peer-"I've been through many friendships. In the beginning, they seemed great but somehow most just didn't work out. When I saw Jacob being picked on, it reminded me of tough times. Then, it reminded me of how much it hurt when people picked on me. It immediately made me feel like I should help him. Ever since that experience, our connection has grown and I know this is one of the best friendships I have had or will ever have. Just because someone may be different in some ways doesn't mean the person doesn't have likes, dislikes, interests, friends and such. So maybe my friend has autism. This makes it difficult and challenging for him to relate to others. Or difficult to ignore people when they say or do something that's unnecessary. That doesn't mean Jacob's not a person with feelings and thoughts. I am there to support him by doing something as simple as telling someone to treat him the way they want to be treated. I try to comfort him and help him ignore the person. He knows that if he needs someone to talk to or spend time with I'll always be there. The enjoyment I have when he tells me all these Interesting facts about science that he has learned. He fills my day with joy every minute I'm with him. These things show that our friendship is Everlasting and together we'll be there to Nurture each other as we come across any road block in our path. Together out Determination is unstoppable. I've been through many friendships. In each I thought it was going to be the one that was going to stick. But somehow it didn't work. Jacob was different. He knew how it felt for me, just like I know how it feels for him. That's why I can say with all honesty this friendship is a TRUE friendship and together nothing will stop us."

Look for opportunities for individuals with autism to socialize and be creative in providing social opportunities to expand social network...
- School
- Church
- Scouts
- Clubs and committees
- Dances
- Recreational activities/departments or working out
- Sports (Special Olympics, adaptive sports program)
- Camps
- Get out with a pet. Make conversation with those who stop to talk.
- Volunteer. Hospitals, places of worship, museums, community centers and other organizations provide opportunities to form strong connections as you work with people who share a mutual interest.
- Join a cause. Get together with a group of people working toward a goal.
- Join a hobby group. Find a nearby group with similar interests such as trains, auto racing, or music.
- Take a Class.    

Circle of Friends is a program for children who have difficulties making friendships. The object is to make sure the individual with autism is included in activities and has the opportunities to develop relationships.
The individual with autism and typically developing same-age peers are asked to draw four circles.  In the center is the individual. In the next ring closest to the individual are people most immediate to them (parents, brothers, sisters). In the second circle are the individual's best friends. The third circle contains individuals who are friends. On the last circle are professionals who are paid to interact with the individual (doctors. teachers, therapists, babysitter, etc…).
Usually the friendship rings have the fewest people for individuals with autism. Peers are asked if they would like to volunteer to be in the circles of those with fewer friends. Social activities are planned and there are on-going meetings in which the circle of friends group talks about how things are going with the relationships. The goal is a situation in which friendships develop. The McGill Action Planning system can be utilized during the circle of friends process. With the MAPs system, family members and others close to the individual with autism answer questions
1.      "What is the individual's history?"
2.      "What is your dream for the individual?"
3.      "What is your nightmare?"
4.      "Who is the individual?"
5.      "What are the individual’s gifts?"
6.       "What are the individual's needs?"
7.       "What would an ideal day be like for the individual?"
Another important question to ask is…”What makes it difficult for the individual to have a social life or socialize?”
If an individual needs to be taught social skills and this is not being offered in a school setting, considerations might include…
- Finding a private psychologist or organization who offers social skills training
- Starting your own social skills group
To start a social skills group of your own make sure you…
- Set goals
- Pick a manageable number of objectives to work on
- Decide how you will work on goals – pick activities
For acquisition of social skills ensure that you follow an organized sequence to ensure mastery and independent performance of the taught skills.
- Establish need through assessment
- Introduce social skill
- Model/ demonstrate the social skill
- Practice/rehearse social skill (Role play)
- Generalize social skills (use in real life situations)
- Perform skill independently
Example -  Goal: Identify feelings of self and others
Objectives
1. Understand other people’s perspectives (putting self “in another shoes”)
2. Understand what makes other people feel basic emotions such as happiness, sadness & fear or complex emotions such as surprise, guilt & embarrassment
Activity: Pass the Hat Game-Children wear hat as they answer question and then pass hat to next child.
Question: How would you feel if
- Your dad said no more computer for the rest of the day?
- Your friends shares his yummy candy with you?
- Your favorite team just won the game?  How does the losing team’s fans feel?

We can never underestimate the power of connections. Social relationships and friendships affect the lives of not only individuals with autism but also their peers.
Letter written by peer-"I was all wrapped up in my pink blanket the day I met Jimmy. He was born exactly 6 hours and 21 minutes after me. I could only imagine our dads; sharing their most proud moment with their best friend. Looking back, I would've thought our parents would have planned this. But no, just one of God's sweet miracles. Jimmy and I shared every minute together. Before I could walk Jimmy was by my side, when I could walk Jimmy was running, and before I could smile he was laughing. Sometimes, we spent long afternoons playing the memory game. He was always better than I, after all I could never remember where I put the last card. Jimmy could also spell ‘school' before kindergarten, while I was working on my name. Once I dared Jimmy to call 911… he did, and he took all the blame. We were bubbly and wild five year olds, and Jimmy was my good friend. Once we started school Jimmy and I didn't see each other as much anymore. We were both seemingly ‘too busy'. Time and distance grew us apart and before we knew it, we were in third grade. That summer, Jimmy and my family were getting together for a cookout and I was so anxious to see my best friend. But this time, Jimmy seemed weird to me. He didn't want to eat hot dogs like the rest of us, he only wanted Spagettios and Cheetos. Jimmy didn't really talk much and he never wanted to come play with me. Our day together was finally over and the disappointments of Jimmy's actions were publicly displayed all over my face. Jimmy's family had left I asked my mom what was wrong with him. She explained to me that Jimmy has autism. She explained that he was a boy with special needs. At the time I didn't understand, I loved Jimmy and he was my friend. I didn't want anything to be “wrong” with him. Concerned about my friend, my mom began introducing me to what autism really was. Over the next couple weeks, my mom and I began reading books about autism, so I could eventually understand the needs of my friend. I learned to accept the fact that as I grow older, that Jimmy might not be able to hold a conversation with me, or go to the movies. I had to accept that Jimmy might never hug me or say I'm his best friend. My dad once told me, “the way you can measure a friendship, is by the silent love shared amongst your hearts.” That's exactly the way my friendship with Jimmy is. Even though Jimmy can't say he loves me, I know he does. Every time I see Jimmy, or think about Jimmy I portray myself as a child, with an innocent and pure mind. Even though I am not sixteen…Jimmy is still one of my best friends. Jimmy has challenged my mind on the way I view people with disabilities. Even though he shows no physical emotion, he still has the most loving heart of anyone I've ever met. Jimmy has, and always will by my friend…forever."
Note:  Peer letters submitted to an autism awareness project sponsored by the Autism Society of Wisconsin – peers grades K-12.

Learning Objectives: