The Autism Society Event and Education Recordings Archive

Thousands of conference ideas. Where to start? •What might it be like to have someone hold a space for you to sort, to choose and to decide? •What if that person invited you to different perspectives on stuck places? •What if s/he knew your strengths and cheered you on? •What if s/he knew your values and kept you true? •What if s/he understood your “flavor” of ASD? That person just might be a coach. OPENING

Check in with workshop participants.

On a scale of 1-10, how are people feeling?

Are you still thinking about the elevator or the last session?

Have you had enough sleep?

Are you ready to be in this room, in this space?

I hope you feel free to do what you need to do to take care of yourselves in this space today.

COACHING

What is a coach? (picture of a sports coach)

Most people think of a sports coach. Drawing up game plans. Teaching skills. Yelling from the bench.

The idea of coach as in a certified coach actually comes from the Old English meaning of a “Coach” (picture of coach with wheels). Cinderella was “coached” to the ball.

I am not very athletic. I don’t catch balls well. I don’t run well. I’m not good at sports. But I do like to exercise. My yoga coach helps me with my goal of becoming more fit. With a personal trainer or coach, I can get further than I ever imagined as we work together toward the fitness goals that I choose.

BASIC PRINCIPLES OF COACHING

Coaching is a structured conversation between a trained/certified coach and the “PBC”—Person Being Coached. In Coaching, the PBC brings the agenda items and the coach ensures the PBC’s agenda doesn’t get lost. Through asking questions, primarily those beginning with “What” and “How” the coach and PBC collaboratively work to bring clarity and action.

You know your child and yourself better than anyone. You’re the one who knows how best to utilize your resources. The coach joins you in your journey, keeps your agenda and celebrates every inch of success!

The following text is taken directly from a certified coach’s contract (mine):

“Coaching is an ongoing partnership that may help produce fulfilling results in lives, especially personally, relationally and spiritually. Through the process of coaching, people who are being coached often deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life.

“In each meeting, the person being coached chooses the focus of conversation, while the coach listens and contributes observations and questions. This interaction creates clarity and moves the person into action. Coaching can accelerate progress by providing greater focus and awareness of choice. Coaching concentrates on where the person is today and what s/he is willing to do to get where s/he wants to be.

“A certified coach acknowledges that the PBC (Person Being Coached) is the expert in his/her personal and/or professional life and believes that every client is creative, resourceful, and gifted with unique strengths and abilities. Standing on this foundation, the coach’s responsibility is to:

1. Discover, clarify, and align with what the person being coached wants to achieve
2. Encourage self-discovery and greater awareness
3. Elicit PBC-generated (PBC= “person being coached”) solutions and strategies
4. Hold the person being coached as responsible and accountable
5. Keep all information confidential. (Exclusions being if the PBC reports wanting to harm self or others, or if child or elder abuse is reportedly taking place.)
6. Not use a PBC’s name as a reference without first obtaining verbal or written consent.”

Coaching is proving to be a highly effective model used with parents, families and individuals impacted by autism. It can take place in person, in a group—I utilize it to co-facilitate the Asperger’s Partners Group in Portland, Oregon—and over the phone. 80% of my coaching takes place by phone and it is very effective.

THE “SHAPE” OF A COACHING CONVERSATION

The coaching conversation follows a predictable process which is “shaped” like an hourglass. [Note: the following description of coaching is in compliance with the International Coach Federation guidelines for coaching.]

1. Clarifying

The top of the hourglass clarifies what the PBC wants to talk about during the session. PBC’s are encouraged to think of a challenge, opportunity or problem. During this stage of the conversation, the coach will ask many “what” and “how” questions.

The coach helps the PBC identify, sort and clarify one topic to focus on. “Of A, B, C, D & E which one would make the most difference in your life?” or “Which one do you want to focus on today?”

The clarifying process is similar to cleaning out a closet by first pulling everything out. The coach asks questions and the PBC decides which item to focus on. The coach’s familiarity with Autism and Asperger’s is very important. New perspectives and resources can be offered, but only with the PBC’s consent. True coaching is not me (the coach) telling you (the PBC) what you should do and how you should do it. The certified coach strongly believes that the best answer comes from within the PBC.

The PBC ultimately chooses the focus point.

2. Focusing

The center of the hourglass narrows the conversation to a specific focus that’s actionable. Within the coaching profession, it is understood “If there is no action, there was no coaching.” Actions are as variable as people.

As a coach, one my favorite parts of coaching is waiting to hear what the PBC will create for action. Most often, their ingenuity astounds me. Action can range from “I’m going to think about ______” to “I’m booking a flight to Hong Kong.”

3. Removing Barriers

The bottom of the hourglass includes removing barriers, “Knowing you, what could stop you from _______?” As members of humanity, we all have things we avoid or find difficult. Anticipating our own speed bumps and making a plan to maneuver creates faster forward movement.

Personally, I’ve experienced transformation while removing barriers as the direct result of coaching. The following is an excerpt from one of my articles:

“It’s summer [2003], school is out, and by August, I know I’ll be spent, poured out, on the dregs emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I’m sitting in my first coaching class.

‘Sure, I’ll volunteer to be coached! I’m stuck. How do I ‘do’ this summer and not end up like a dishrag?’

“The coaching itself was, well…terrible. Five brand-spanking new coaches asking me irrelevant questions. How many times DID I have to say, ‘This is not helpful!’ Friends in the room familiar with my summers sat eyes down in silence—as stuck as I was. Mercifully, the 10 minutes ended. Leaning over the ladies’ room sink I looked at myself in the mirror: What just happened?

“But you know, something shifted internally. A fresh camera angle emerged. As a result of the ‘unhelpful’ coaching session, I chose to do something different. Decreasing my out-of-home work hours for the summer (and taking the financial hit), out of the ashes rose Cope to Hope. By August, I had hired a coach and established my own coaching practice specifically serving parents with special needs kids, ‘Helping special needs families move from just coping to hoping.’

“And the biggest lesson learned? TRUST THE PROCESS.

“Coaching really works! I would have given my eye-teeth for this twelve years ago!”

4. Anchoring Learning

A crucial element is the takeaway at the end of the conversation. The coach asks the PBC “What will you take away from this session?” Sometimes it will be an item the PBC has already expressed. Sometimes, it will be something entirely different simmering below the surface.

No matter the takeaway, the PBC is right! The answer does not lie within the coach, although a coach’s expertise is very important and relevant. The answer lies within the Person Being Coached.

Speaking the takeaway aloud literally anchors the learning in a different part of the brain.

LIVE COACHING DEMONSTRATION

The demonstration will be an actual coaching session and not a role play. Watch for the “shape” of the conversation.
I will ask for observations afterward.

→15 minute demonstration

(Thank the PBC with applause)

Ask PBC: “What worked?” “What didn’t work?”

Ask attendees: “What worked?” “What didn’t work?” "What did you notice?" "What else?"

“HOW DO I KNOW IF I’M READY FOR A COACH?” QUIZ

Circle the numbers applying to you

1. I feel as though I want to go further and have maxed out my current resources.

2. I am willing to explore my potential and begin thinking beyond coping to hoping.

3. I am willing to reconstruct my life, if necessary, to achieve my goals and dreams.

4. I want to live well with vision for myself and for my family.

5. I am willing to do something different to operate at the leading edge.

6. I am willing to accept another person’s insight, encouragement and feedback so that I can advance beyond what I ever dreamed.

7. I feel the need for something new in my demanding life.

8. I have a challenge with life/work balance.

9. I feel stuck or stagnated

10. I have a lot of good ideas, but am not able to do anything with them.

Scoring Grid:

2 or less true right now—Congrats and keep it up!

3 – 4 true right now—Would benefit from working with a coach

5 – 6 true right now—Consider coaching soon

7 – 8 true right now—When can you get started?

9 - 10 true right now—Call 911 or contact a coach to set up an immediate appointment!

BASIC CHECKLIST FOR CHOOSING A COACH

• Visit www.coachfederation.org, www.westerncoaches.net, or www.coachinc.com to find a well-trained coach.
  
• Be diligent in asking the coach if they have been specifically trained in coaching skills.
  
• Does he or she currently hold or in the process of acquiring an ICF credential?
  
• Don't be misled to think a coach is a competent coach because they have other professional credentials or set high fees.
  
• Ask them about their experience with Asperger’s syndrome or autism.
  
• Request interview session.
  
• Conducting interview sessions with 2-3 coaches before making a decision.
  
• Contract with coach for the minimum amount of time.
  
• If at any time, you start to feel uncomfortable with the way your coaching is going, tell your coach. You are the one who gets to design your coaching.
  

ETHICAL GUIDELINES & CORE COMPETENCIES
The profession of coaching is fairly new and currently anyone can put up a website and call themselves a coach. The International Coach Federation is the governing body for professional coaches. Beware of “coaches” who are not certified or pursuing certification with the ICF.

ICF Professional Coaching Core Competencies

The following eleven bulleted core coaching competencies were developed to support greater understanding about the skills and approaches used within today's coaching profession as defined by the ICF.

[If your “coach” hasn’t heard of these competencies, they are not in compliance with the ICF and are not pursuing certification from the governing body.]

A. Setting the Foundation
Meeting Ethical Guidelines and Professional Standards
Establishing the Coaching Agreement

B. Co-Creating the Relationship
Establishing Trust and Intimacy with the Client
Coaching Presence

C. Communicating Effectively
Active Listening
Powerful Questioning
Direct Communication

D. Facilitating Learning and Results
Creating Awareness
Designing Actions
Planning and Goal Setting
Managing Progress and Accountability

CONCLUSION

This is your life! Whether you are a parent, or on Spectrum yourself, of both, you’ve been given a really tough challenge. You can have great meaning and purpose—and dare I say enjoyment—while engaging in the toughest thing you’ll ever do.

You can.

How will you take on this challenge?

How do you choose which therapy to go with?

Which school setting is best for your child?

How do you build a treatment team for the long-term benefit of your child?

How do you be your own caregiver?

How do you learn to interpret social cues?

How can you develop a meaningful relationship?

Where do you start with all of the input you’re receiving this week?

The answer lies within you (or in your “closet”). Maybe what you need is someone to hold a space for you to sort and to choose.

You are the expert in your life and work. “Just coping” is an exhausting, deadening, draining way to live. “Hoping” is energizing, filling, life-giving.

YOU are the expert.

By the way, you’ve just been coached!

Learning Objectives: