The Autism Society Event and Education Recordings Archive

Despite past myths, individuals on the autism spectrum are interested in intimate relationships and, in fact, many of these relationships exist. More and more adults in committed relationships are formally or informally being diagnosed. Many non-spectrum partners are finding the need for information and support. This session provides and opportunity for non spectrum partners to share and learn about common issues when in a committed relationship with an individual on the autism spectrum. Come learn about life for non-spectrum spouses; the challenges and possibilities. Communication issues are a part of every relationship when one partner is on the autism spectrum. This is different than the men are from Mars women are from Venus philosophy that has been written about when both partners are more likely non spectrum or neurotypical. Assumptions are made in all relationships but in a NS/ASD partnership there are frequent conflicts and misunderstandings that can quickly cause confusion and frustration.

Social situations are often confusing and frustrating and full of anxiety for an individual with an autism spectrum diagnosis. This lack of social skills can lead to loss of relationships and employment as well. For the non-spectrum partner embarrassment and isolation are a common result as social events then seem to become overwhelming and too problematic.

Sensory issues, rarely a topic for NS/ASD partnerships are often forgotten altogether. Issues of daily living (i.e. household chores, bathing), intimacy and coping with sensory overload need to be an area that is addressed continually by the couple. Often the partner on the spectrum needs an abundance of time to themselves to help them cope with this perceived onslaught of the world.

Executive functioning deficits of individuals on the autism spectrum can leave much of the planning and organizing of the household chores and activities to the non spectrum partner which can seem very overwhelming and unfair. Remembering to follow through on a request from the non spectrum partner seems to be frequently “forgotten” or “missed” in the daily struggle to cope for those on the autism spectrum. Problem solving may be very difficult to accomplish together because of working memory and sequencing deficits for persons on the spectrum

Theory of Mind will be discussed as it may impact the ability for the partner on the spectrum to understand the non spectrum partner's point of view. Conversely the non-spectrum partner needs to be reminded to understand the processing and viewpoint of their partner on the spectrum.

Cassandra Syndrome, Cassandra Affective Disorder or the Cassandra Phenomenon was named to describe the symptoms of stress (low self esteem, depression, anxiety, often seen in partners of individuals with an autism spectrum disorder. Other symptoms partners may experience include lethargy, loss of libido, changes in mood and a weaken immune system. CAD was named after a mythical princess who was granted the gift of prophecy but cursed with the fact that no one would believe her even though she was right. Experts such as Maxine Aston feel it is brought on by emotional deprivation.

After highlighting the above issues in the presentation successful techniques and strategies to address these issues will be presented. These will include being realistic, checking interpretations, being clear and explicit about what you want, helping your partner focus on strengths, talking to someone who understands, and finding ways to get your needs met.

There will be time for participants to share as well as discussion of the book being written by the presenters and development of a network that that we are hoping to help support with online contact for non spectrum partners who are interested.

Learning Objectives: