The Autism Society Event and Education Recordings Archive

In this panel discussion, presenters will speak for approximately 10 – 15 minutes about their relationship experiences. Topics will include marriage, commitment, intimacy, separation and divorce, and sexuality. Each woman will give a brief synopsis of her social history and tie these topics into her account of her life. The goal of the panel discussion is to gain insight into how Autistic women perceive, express, and manage their personal relationships.

Panel Topics

Participants represent a diversity of backgrounds and life choices. While each presenter is still preparing her materials, and a fourth presenter remains to be selected, the following questions and concerns will be highlighted throughout each woman's contribution:

• Are Autistic women more social, or more motivated to have social interactions, than Autistic men?

• Is this an innate feature due to gender differences, or are Autistic women influenced by cultural socialization in different ways than Autistic men?

• To what degree are Autistic women acting socially according to free will?

• To what degree are Autistic women influenced in their social choices by an Autistic literal understanding of their role or Autistic cognitive deficits in dealing with open-ended social problems?

• Are Autistic women at greater risk for making poor social choices for some reason, as anecdotally evidenced by higher rates of abuse, depression, and divorce, and if so, what is the reason?

• Are Autistic women, or some Autistic women, freer than most women in society because of a common Autistic lack of concern or lack of awareness regarding social norms?

• Conversely, do some Autistic women suffer from low self-esteem because they are aware of their differences from other women in society?

• Do Autistic women feel as though they must compensate or over-achieve in their social relationships to appear at least as successful as their non-Autistic female counterparts?

• Have Autistic women ever felt as though they need to hide their true Autistic selves in order to be romantically attractive?

• How do vocational issues impact Autistic women's social choices? For example, would an Autistic woman stay in an undesirable relationship simply because she is – or perceives herself as – unable to work and support herself or her children?

• How do Autistic women learn the social skills necessary for an intimate relationship if they have difficulty learning by exposure or osmosis?

• Are Autistic women at higher risk of missing the meaning of a partner's actions?

• Is it harder for Autistic women to understand the nuanced and sometimes subtle rules of interacting appropriately with a partner? For example, after a break-up, would an Autistic woman know where to draw the line between stalking behavior and the socially appropriate behavior of “just checking in” with an ex-boyfriend to see how he is doing?

• Do Autistic women understand and express their sexuality differently than other women?

• Do Autistic women experience sexuality as part of a larger emotional connection to another person or are they two separate issues?

• Is romantic love for somebody felt as a physical experience or an intellectual and mental one?

• Do women approach relationship problems in more action-oriented, logical, “typically male” patterns than the stereotype in our culture, which is that women approach relationship problems in a “typically female” pattern of emotion, drama, and reciprocity?

• Are Autistic women ever reproached by their partners for lacking emotional affect typically expected of wives and female partners in our culture?

• What other cultural expectations positively or negatively impact an Autistic woman's chances for success in her relationships?

• How do Autistic women's social choices impact their understanding of their diagnoses? For example, is it difficult for an Autistic woman to reconcile what she knows from the cannon of literature and research on Autism with her own experiences, social interests, and choices?

• What positive traits, characteristics, methods of communication, social skills, or other relationship components do Autistic women have to contribute to society? For example, is it possible that Autistic women contribute to a healthier relationship model for women overall that moves away from the current model's valuation of indirect communication and often negative assumptions and stereotypes about women's motivations, interests, and abilities?

Conclusion

Through each woman's contribution, the panel endeavors to increase awareness in the Autism community regarding the unique profile and contributions of Autistic women and the unique issues Autistic women face. After each woman has spoken, the women will take turns summarize what has been discussed in light of the panel's learning objectives.

First, we will highlight the ways in which our social characteristics and social skills may be different than what pervades in current Autism research. Next, we will recapitulate the ways in which being Autistic impacts our social skills, life decisions, and understanding of ourselves and correspondingly relate the first stream of thought – how we are different socially than men on the spectrum – with this second stream of thought – how we are still impacted socially by our Autism.

Lastly, we will share our preliminary hypotheses on Autistic women when it comes to social relationships. To what degree do Autistic characteristics affect a woman's level of safety, volition, and confidence? To what degree do Autistic women differ from the “Autistic norm” and what impact does this have on diagnostic criteria, social skills training, and therapeutic intervention? And to what degree are Autistic women trapped or freed by society's cultural understandings of womanhood, marriage, and intimacy?

Time will be left at the end of the presentation for audience members to ask the women questions. By sharing our knowledge, posing questions, and raising the issue of Autistic women and relationships, it is hoped that a deeper understanding of the needs and problems of Autistic women will enable the Autism community to respond to Autistic girls and women more effectively.

Learning Objectives: